No filter

Days passing in seconds

the uncertainty daunting me every night

when I reflect upon my thunderstorms

because not all end in rainbows and sunshine,

some could destroy a village,

Contradict that positivity preached by many

So, tell me, am I wrong?

if I sleep in hope of waking to my dreams

when I outrun my capabilities as I attempt to reach

that light awaiting at the end of this dark tunnel

Is that a light or a mirage that I see?

Help, my thoughts are blurring my vision!

and still here I am willing to do anything

just to make it to that oasis of my dreams

This may only be a phase like many say

the uncertainty yet, daunts me…..

my demons of fear

I was young- unaware and perplexed

the time when I first confronted you

It was all amiss and haywire,

Unexpected, I saw you out of the blue

Little did I know of your intentions

as you devoured my soul and left me alone,

consuming all the air inside my lungs,

ripping all the skin from off my bones

The times you were gone,

I was apprehensive at your mere thought

petrified as I awaited our next encounter

my nights were sleepless, days distraught

I’ve tried to push you away

making it only easier for you to get closer

I realise now you’re just a part of me

for I have finally surrendered

Art of doodling.

Structuring your doodles the right way can bring out an artistic masterpiece.

The cleverness in turning a simple sketch or drawing into something that looks complex and beautiful is an art in itself. This has always amused me.

You don’t need to empty your wallets to purchase expensive paints, pastels or brushes. All you need is a paper and pen/pencil to create a simple yet alluring piece.

This is a piece I drew using a simple black gel pen (available at any stationery store) inspired by my favourite, Pinterest!

I encourage my readers to try this out, it’s therapeutic and peaceful and will help calm your agony and anxiety during this difficult period.

You don’t need to be a skillful professional to try this, an amateur like you and me can easily perfect the art of doodling!

Happiness?

Happiness?

Is that why

I have sleepless nights,

yearning to have a mirthful tomorrow

I choose the path of difficulty

in desperation to attain my bliss

without any assurance of my reward

Should I try to deprive it off another?

for my longing for ecstasy consumes me

I might as well breach the rules

if that would bring me my utopia, my remedy

I search for it in a friend/ partner

wondering will they fulfil my desire?

When will I find my paradise?

I think to myself

as my quest for tranquility continues to transpire

I ponder and pray

for days to years

to be completely forsaken of my despair

to override all my fears

to reach the ultimate serenity

Until, the day arrives

when I lay lying on the floor breathing my last

I see a divine entity, an angel perhaps

She approaches towards me and says

“Alas! you’ve gotten what you want”

I look at her confused

I did not want to die?

I wanted to live,

For, my surge for happiness remained incomplete

But soon I realise what she meant

as I watch her take me to nirvana, my eternal peace,

for what I fantasised since forever

and withered my entire life,

which I could’ve mend

If only I knew,

happiness is the journey, not the end.

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Story – How I got into a medical school

As I finish a big cup of rich, delicious hot chocolate, I find my mood instantly boosting because of the high dose caffeine. The past few days have been difficult and immensely demotivating because of the obvious quarantining and my fast approaching exams. Today, I finally feel good after a while and I decided I should blog.

It’s been around six months since I endured a well focused, satisfactory study and I, trust me, am sure guilty, considering my course is MBBS, one of the most difficult ones. I should be more considerate and responsible? We’ll maybe, but I really needed the break, more so, to find myself again.

There is a huge hype created in India regarding how hard MBBS is and that you need to work day and night to beat the growing competition. With the same idea, I joined my junior college, which I will not name, known for the high ranking of their students. My only thoughts when I joined the college were to let go of all of my fun and pleasures and work rigorously until my entrance exam. Now that I think of it, that was a bad start to begin with.

The way I dealt with stress at the time was awfully unhealthy and I only wish no-one should ever witness what I did. The professors in my school cribbed about the high scorers of other colleges and pressurised the students to score better. I tried to keep up but as the second year passed, my mental health hit rock bottom and my motivation and stride for a high score slowly diminished. This was because I was exhausted by the end of my junior college, I lost myself, I was mentally drained. In such a state of being, I went ahead with writing my entrance exam, and as you may have already guessed, it didn’t go well.

The aftermath of my entrance exam was filled with guilt, anger and woe, for I could have scored much better. “Hard work will always pay off” was the motto I lived by and I had completely lost faith. My rank was not the worst but was far from what I had aimed for and I was devastated. I did get into a medical school after it all but I was not satisfied or happy.

Now, after two years, in this six month long break, I finally found my old self and my will and passion for my career. It was a tough time but it has led me now to a better place. All I know now is to not be too harsh on myself, stay within my limits and not pressurise myself. You don’t have to be the best, no-one can be.

One day, I will finally break free.

Prayers and desires,

awaiting for what I seek

struggling to retain that hope and faith

perhaps I can live the life I dream

for one day, I will finally break free

Find my purpose, my path

figure out my eternal bliss

fathom what I solicit

reaching for the horizon that lies at infinity

for one day, I will finally break free

escape this recusant cage

let go of that adverse toxicity

pursue my love and passion

yet upholding that confidence and dignity

for one day, I will finally break free

Image source: google

5 ways how blogging benefitted me

To vent out

My blogs/ poetry I post are usually based on how I am feeling that day. I write down my emotions and that leaves my mind lighter and happier. Blogging serves as a friend to me in these times of isolation, a place I can spend to cope when alone.

Build confidence

I have learnt that writing often, and appreciation received from my readers has really helped me build confidence and lift up my self-esteem.

Improve my writing

Frequent writing has helped benefit my vocabulary and improve my skills in literature. Reading blogs of unique yet creative people has helped me build my own unique niche in the field of writing.

Motivation

I look forward to write something new each day now and I’ve learnt that is quite a healthy habit. Blogging and writing regarding motivation and positivity has in some way made me a come out as a better and optimistic person.

Keep mental health in check

Regular blogging serves as a distraction for me when I am feeling really low, even more so now considering these difficult times. It somehow does help keep my mental health in check and I’m grateful.

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