Story – How I got into a medical school

As I finish a big cup of rich, delicious hot chocolate, I find my mood instantly boosting because of the high dose caffeine. The past few days have been difficult and immensely demotivating because of the obvious quarantining and my fast approaching exams. Today, I finally feel good after a while and I decided I should blog.

It’s been around six months since I endured a well focused, satisfactory study and I, trust me, am sure guilty, considering my course is MBBS, one of the most difficult ones. I should be more considerate and responsible? We’ll maybe, but I really needed the break, more so, to find myself again.

There is a huge hype created in India regarding how hard MBBS is and that you need to work day and night to beat the growing competition. With the same idea, I joined my junior college, which I will not name, known for the high ranking of their students. My only thoughts when I joined the college were to let go of all of my fun and pleasures and work rigorously until my entrance exam. Now that I think of it, that was a bad start to begin with.

The way I dealt with stress at the time was awfully unhealthy and I only wish no-one should ever witness what I did. The professors in my school cribbed about the high scorers of other colleges and pressurised the students to score better. I tried to keep up but as the second year passed, my mental health hit rock bottom and my motivation and stride for a high score slowly diminished. This was because I was exhausted by the end of my junior college, I lost myself, I was mentally drained. In such a state of being, I went ahead with writing my entrance exam, and as you may have already guessed, it didn’t go well.

The aftermath of my entrance exam was filled with guilt, anger and woe, for I could have scored much better. “Hard work will always pay off” was the motto I lived by and I had completely lost faith. My rank was not the worst but was far from what I had aimed for and I was devastated. I did get into a medical school after it all but I was not satisfied or happy.

Now, after two years, in this six month long break, I finally found my old self and my will and passion for my career. It was a tough time but it has led me now to a better place. All I know now is to not be too harsh on myself, stay within my limits and not pressurise myself. You don’t have to be the best, no-one can be.

One day, I will finally break free.

Prayers and desires,

awaiting for what I seek

struggling to retain that hope and faith

perhaps I can live the life I dream

for one day, I will finally break free

Find my purpose, my path

figure out my eternal bliss

fathom what I solicit

reaching for the horizon that lies at infinity

for one day, I will finally break free

escape this recusant cage

let go of that adverse toxicity

pursue my love and passion

yet upholding that confidence and dignity

for one day, I will finally break free

Image source: google

5 ways how blogging benefitted me

To vent out

My blogs/ poetry I post are usually based on how I am feeling that day. I write down my emotions and that leaves my mind lighter and happier. Blogging serves as a friend to me in these times of isolation, a place I can spend to cope when alone.

Build confidence

I have learnt that writing often, and appreciation received from my readers has really helped me build confidence and lift up my self-esteem.

Improve my writing

Frequent writing has helped benefit my vocabulary and improve my skills in literature. Reading blogs of unique yet creative people has helped me build my own unique niche in the field of writing.

Motivation

I look forward to write something new each day now and I’ve learnt that is quite a healthy habit. Blogging and writing regarding motivation and positivity has in some way made me a come out as a better and optimistic person.

Keep mental health in check

Regular blogging serves as a distraction for me when I am feeling really low, even more so now considering these difficult times. It somehow does help keep my mental health in check and I’m grateful.

It’s okay not to be okay.

false laugh, lost hope

the world trying to be at its harshest

defeated faith and belief

wondering the worth of it all

but pain only lasts, giving up doesn’t.

Anxiety coming for you on and on

but fighting, making you better each time

lows that may be awfully steep

but always finding that staircase to climb back up

falling down is easy, hanging there easier

but what is life really? if not a rollercoaster

fetching you through those highs and lows

though, always making it to destiny

what is life really? if not for that thrill

sometimes so tough, closer to giving up

but don’t you know life isn’t mainstream

so,

you don’t need to be perfect everyday,

it’s okay not to be okay.

The past few posts of mine are focused more on mental health since September is suicide prevention month. My only aim is to help at least a few of you out there who are witnessing similar troubles and struggles. Stay positive!

Image source: google

Confidence?

that chuckle is contagious,

she is an alacrity of spirit

an embodiment of that desirable ideal morale

firm and stronger than any giant boulder

can I be her? pursuing all that courage,

I wonder,

can I be that remarkably confident?

but then again,

just like a shadow trailing behind the light

and the day being followed by a night,

I notice something distressing,

that, unattended and alone,

nobody around, she lies

severed and crippled

thriving a catastrophe inside her head,

its all darkness,

escalating faster than any pandemic

my wish to be her slowly diminishes

as I realise,

the demons daunting her seem familiar,

Barring all that imagery and display,

we are somewhat identical

I now fathom what they say are facts,

confidence is all just pretence, an act

Kindness for a better mind.

abhorrent days, arduous dilemmas

transpires through not just thee but all,

in this world brimming with misanthropes and haters

where not one attempts to comprehend another’s mind,

why not choose to be kind?

the society attending your imperfections and flaws alone

latching upon that meagre self esteem

even among everything shattering and falling apart

amidst no goodness or molarity left to find,

why not choose to be kind?

to pursue love, to pursue bliss

to augment your aura and radiate joy

to alter this vicinage,

where negativity and hostility lie intertwined,

my love, why not choose to be kind?

A non-fictional story.

It was August 2017, a random morning,

Woke up to realise I was shaking and dazed,

Ignored it, no bother, so I

rushed perturbed to reach school in time

few days elapsed, as they ordinarily would

then it came back, the perplexity and shiver

worse and overwhelming, more than ever

Incapable to focus in classes, I was scared

there was chaos within me that I couldn’t curb

Fear and negativity daunted me like evil spirits

I was now dreaded by my own mind

What was happening to me? I was unaware

10 days passed, I was impuissant to eat

Tears overfilled my eyes till I couldn’t see

since I couldn’t control my thoughts, my anxiety

Nights were the scariest as,

darkness faded my hope and light away

asked a doctor to diagnose what had I succumbed to

But that couldn’t work as he stated I was “perfectly alright”

It was then, that my father, my guardian angel,

from whom I seeked help

looked at my agitated self, asked me what was wrong,

So I vomited out my thoughts like I

was ridden of some hypothetical sickness

my dad found me when I lost myself

Brought peace within me that served my calm

So grateful that I spoke out,

So grateful I could find help

Now,

Forgive me but if you’re stuck in a misconception,

but my anxiety hadn’t left me as yet

Yes, my pain was numbed but it hadn’t completely let gone

Still accompanying me,

occasionally, turning my happy days around

but it only made me stronger ever since

I learnt overtime to never give up

when I acquired the knowledge that,

just give it time,

for every dark tunnel leads to light

and life will always throw such perils at us to fight

I wrote this to help people relate and learn there are ways to get positive outcomes out of dark times.

©vaishnaviambatipudi

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