As I finish a big cup of rich, delicious hot chocolate, I find my mood instantly boosting because of the high dose caffeine. The past few days have been difficult and immensely demotivating because of the obvious quarantining and my fast approaching exams. Today, I finally feel good after a while and I decided I should blog.
It’s been around six months since I endured a well focused, satisfactory study and I, trust me, am sure guilty, considering my course is MBBS, one of the most difficult ones. I should be more considerate and responsible? We’ll maybe, but I really needed the break, more so, to find myself again.
There is a huge hype created in India regarding how hard MBBS is and that you need to work day and night to beat the growing competition. With the same idea, I joined my junior college, which I will not name, known for the high ranking of their students. My only thoughts when I joined the college were to let go of all of my fun and pleasures and work rigorously until my entrance exam. Now that I think of it, that was a bad start to begin with.
The way I dealt with stress at the time was awfully unhealthy and I only wish no-one should ever witness what I did. The professors in my school cribbed about the high scorers of other colleges and pressurised the students to score better. I tried to keep up but as the second year passed, my mental health hit rock bottom and my motivation and stride for a high score slowly diminished. This was because I was exhausted by the end of my junior college, I lost myself, I was mentally drained. In such a state of being, I went ahead with writing my entrance exam, and as you may have already guessed, it didn’t go well.
The aftermath of my entrance exam was filled with guilt, anger and woe, for I could have scored much better. “Hard work will always pay off” was the motto I lived by and I had completely lost faith. My rank was not the worst but was far from what I had aimed for and I was devastated. I did get into a medical school after it all but I was not satisfied or happy.
Now, after two years, in this six month long break, I finally found my old self and my will and passion for my career. It was a tough time but it has led me now to a better place. All I know now is to not be too harsh on myself, stay within my limits and not pressurise myself. You don’t have to be the best, no-one can be.